Day 1

beginning to feel worse than hell.
i don't know what's worse then hell.
wait, i know what's worse than hell.
this.

it keeps getting more and more difficult.
and it's hard to stay calm, when you've been so paranoid since the beginning of the week.
you can't even put your finger on the whole matter 'cause when you do, you realise it's all just minute things that just became a huge mess.
at the same time, you don't want to treat it as small minute things 'cause these small minute things have a great impact, which is called the huge mess.
you see,
it gets so complicated.
tiring.
frustrating.
annoying.
so much so that you feel like just getting up and leave.
but a great part of you doesn't want to leave.

but here you are, as worn out as ever.
you keep telling how tired and how badly you want to resolve this.
but your superfluous words make you sound selfish.
make you sound like your feelings are the only one that matter.
but you don't intend it to come out that way.
the reason why your words are superfluous because you want assurance.
and nothing else.
'cause at this very moment, you feel the most alone.
and vulnerable.

what more, you're a girl.
sensitive.
and fragile.
not weak, 'cause you've braved through long enough.
but weak, compared to a boy, 'cause you can't brave through till the end.
then again, you're only a girl.
support, security, assurance is what keeps you going.

but you can't say any of these out.
'cause that will make you selfish.
wanting people to treat you the way you think you deserve.
demanding people to treat you the way you think you deserve.
'cause the way they treat you, makes you feel undeserving.
then again, how can you expect to be treated the way you think you deserve if you haven't treated people the same way?
that's why saying any of these out will make you selfish, demanding.
even more as an unjust partner, even when you know you're not one.
but you never intend to be unjust, demanding or selfish.
neither one.
all you intend is for right to prevail.

you're now more confused than ever.
you want what you want, but every method is wrong.
you want what you want, but people mistake you for selfishness.
you want what you want, 'cause you want to change the situation.
you want what you want, 'cause you can't take it anymore.

but you want they want, 'cause you wanna make them happy.
you want what they want, 'cause you want to change the situation.

you want what they want more, because they mean everything to you.
even if what they want is something different from what you want,
it doesn't matter.
'cause it's them that matters to you, most.