blank.
everything happened in a minute, beyond your control.
you lost it.
it was inevitable.
one thing led to another.
the more he refused, the more you insisted.
then he lost it.

and you sit there in the bathroom thinking,
"what just happened?"
being creatures of ego that we are,
the first thing we'd think of is
"what's so difficult in doing this?"
well, for the other party, they might be thinking the same thing,but under different circumstances.

so fast your emotions appear and vanish, almost like you lost control.
your emotions can't be responsible for your actions, no matter how much you did not want for something to happen.
it's you who is responsible.

i find that the universe has a way of course-correcting itself.
in the end, fate has the final say.
which then you begin to wonder,
if things already have an ending, what's the use of giving us choices along the way?
why be with someone you really love, but at the same time know that he/she is not yours forever.
and they say God is compassionate and merciful.
being broken in love seems to be the worst suffering any feeling human being can ever go through.

i'm not questioning God's presence,
but questioning why put us in such harsh times?
why let us live in fear that everything is ending?
don't we all wake up everyday, knowing at the back of our heads that someday, you will die?
is this fear instilled in us a form of motivation to "live life to its fullest"?
that's only one side of the coin.
what about those who fail?
once bitten twice shy.

yes, we all fall down once in awhile.
we get up, dust our knees, take a deep breath and try again.
what if we can't do that anymore?
what if the problem is not you?
it's someone else who made you fall.
why get up and dust our knees for someone else's mistake?
it's just unfair.

how do you tell yourself that everything's gonna be alright,
when you know very well of the stakes involved.
are you deluding yourself?
or again, is it a "motivation".

whatever it is, the world is totally different from what i pictured it to be when i was 5.
things just somehow got so... complicated.
and i don't even know how it became this way.
is this the price we have to pay for bearing responsibilities?
for starting friendships and relationships.

yes, as naive as i sound.
but at 19, i'm still feeling the same way i felt about life when i was 13.
the only differences are the issues involved.
i feel that life's so hard, and still as hard to me now.
the emotional aspect, i mean.

i know it'd be much easier if i stopped thinking about all these aspects and go with the flow.
but that's not me.
i'm analytical.